The Fic
by Neon and Mali
Summary: Um... the yamis go down to hell... but don't get there. Ya gotta read it to find out, really... R/R, FLAMERS WELCOME! ... No, seriously, they are.


Yamiku: . This is co-co-authored by Jagi, ladies and gentlemen.  
  
Releon: You better believe it.  
  
Jagi: Who's the co-author?  
  
Yamiku and Releon: (Stare at each other)  
  
Jagi: . Okay then.  
  
Bakura and Vegeta: (Duct-taped to chairs) Mmm. cocoa.  
  
Yamiku: Psychos..  
  
Jagi: . Why is Vegeta here?  
  
Yamiku: Vegeta's a legend, don't knock him.  
  
Vegeta: Yeah, if ya do, I'll blast you to hell.  
  
Jagi: Ookay, then. I wasn't knocking you, I was just wondering why you were here. is that such a crime?  
  
Vegeta: Well. I'm the prince, and I'll do what I want!  
  
Bakura: That's why you're duct-taped to a chair.  
  
Vegeta: Ahahahaha. SHUT UP! And you are as well.  
  
Bakura: But I don't haveta be.  
  
Vegeta: (Snorts indignantly)  
  
Bakura: Yamiku.  
  
Yamiku: Yes, Bakura?  
  
Bakura: Un-duct-tape me, please.  
  
Yamiku: Hell no!  
  
Bakura: Damn! That usually works!  
  
Jagi: Where the hell's Releon?  
  
Releon: (Commando rolls through the window) HIT THE DECK! (Dives to the floor)  
  
All: What the hell is wrong with her? (Ducks anyway)  
  
Bakura: You're all bloody psychos.  
  
Vegeta: Look. they don't follow people around at night-  
  
Yamiku: Yes, we do.  
  
Vegeta: .  
  
Bakura: You're gay.  
  
Vegeta: No, I'm not, I'm married! Which is more than I can say for you.  
  
Bakura: Hey, I love my hi- um..  
  
Yamiku: SAY IT! SAY IT GOD DAMNITT! SAY IT!  
  
Jagi: Write the damn fic.  
  
Releon: (Still on the floor)  
  
Yamiku: Not 'til he says it!  
  
Releon: (Pretending to be Bakura) (singing) SWEET HIK-A-RI. BAH BAH BAH.  
  
Bakura: (Mumbles something)  
  
Yamiku: (Shoves Releon out of the seven-story window) So they can hear you!  
  
Releon: (Runs back up the stairs) THE SQUIRRELS IS COMING! THE SQIRRELS IS COOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!  
  
Yamiku: (Ignoring Releon) SAY IT.  
  
Jagi: The quicker you say it; the quicker we get the hell out of here.  
  
Bakura: Fine! I'll say it!  
  
All: (Lean forward)  
  
Bakura: (Takes a deep breath) TAXI! (Runs out door, screeching of tires are heard)  
  
All: .  
  
Vegeta: He ain't coming back.  
  
All: I know.  
  
***  
  
THE FIC  
  
One day, forty-two years ago, make that five thousand years ago, when Egypt was still cool, with all the Pharaohs and all that jazz, stuff happened.  
  
Yeah, that's right.  
  
Stuff.  
  
LA LA LA!!!  
  
That is a sure sign we need to keep Releon away from the keyboard.  
  
Anyways, there was this dude.  
  
With about fifty-seven kajillion names.  
  
Which we will name now.  
  
*Yami *Pharaoh *Yu-Gi-Oh! (With or without the exclamation point, he can't sue us)  
  
Four years later.  
  
*Guitar tuner *Tosser *Knob *Fred  
  
And that's about all we can remember.  
  
And he was all, Pharaoh-y, and stuff, with cool hair and purple eyes.  
  
And he had this friend. His name was Hops.  
  
But to hell with him.  
  
To hell with five thousand years ago.  
  
Because, right now, there's this evil bitch named Anzu, who wants to brainwash everyone with friendship speeches.  
  
And she, like, wants Yami, but she can't have him, because, like, Yugi has him, so Anzu, being the conniving bitch that she is, hit Yugi with a pick- up truck. AND PARKED ON HIM, FOR GOD'S SAKE!  
  
So after a long period of crying over Yugi in the hospital, he frickin' went on a rampage, killed Anzu and fifty innocent bystanders, and brought chocolate covered POP-CORN!!!!  
  
SO DIE EVIL DOERS!!!!  
  
So then Vegeta came along and said, "Ya mum."  
  
Then Bakura snapped 'im, and there was an all-out brawl, much like the time midnight got drunk and struck the clock back.  
  
MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Fweep.  
  
Ignore any insanity. It's Releon.  
  
Back to Kansas.  
  
"Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore." said Dorothy.  
  
"Of course we are, knob-end, look at the goddamn sign!" snapped Toto.  
  
Anyways.  
  
Marik loved Malik.  
  
And vice-versa.  
  
But there was this big emotional angsty battle with their consciences (and squirrels).  
  
Much like with the other yamis and hikaris, who were also shying away from their feelings.  
  
Until Yami made a stand and killed Anzu.  
  
But screw that.  
  
Because..  
  
We say so..  
  
And we're the authors.  
  
So go home..  
  
... No, please don't..  
  
We loooovvveeee you..  
  
ANYWHOO, --  
  
Releon: HEY! THAT'S MY WORD! I'LL WRITE IT!!!  
  
ANYWHO, the bats are out to get us.  
  
So, anyways, Yami and Marik were goin' down to hell, which was conveniently placed in heaven.  
  
(A/N: This is actually the part where the fic starts. If you've lasted this long, congratulations, if not, f%$^ you too.)  
  
"WAIT FOR ME!" Bakura screamed, running after them, and proceeding to whack Yami with a tie.  
  
Yami yelled in pain and horror and rubbed his ear. "FRICKIN' KIDS!" he cried.  
  
"I'm hungry," Marik piped up.  
  
"Well, la-de-frickin'-da!" proclaimed Bakura, dancing the foxtrot with the door he had jimmied off the ladies' toilets with a credit card and a pigeon.  
  
The door then screamed for approximately 0.00000000002 seconds.  
  
"NO, JONESY!" shrieked Marik.  
  
"Where's Stanley?" asked Yami quietly.  
  
" I've got a feeling he's in my brother's pants." Bakura said in a hollow tone.  
  
" Um, oooooooooooooookay then, poor old Stanley.." Marik said.  
  
" FRICKIN' KIDS!!" Yami screamed again pounding his head against a door.  
  
The door then screamed again  
  
Bakura started singing: "COZ IT'S THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS! IT JUST GOES ON AND ON MY FRIENDS! SOME PEOPLE STARTED SINGING IT, NOT KNOWING WHAT IT WAS, AND NOW THEY'LL KEEP ON SINGING IT JUST BECAUSE THIS IS THE SONG THAT-"  
  
"WILL END NOW!" screamed Yami, producing a shotgun from his skintight leather pants, before marching to the State Parliament House.  
  
" I LIKE FISH!!!!" exclaimed Marik.  
  
"I'm sorry, peanut-butter rules the world," Bakura said, shaking his head sadly at his friends' ignorance.  
  
"So, BUT IT WAS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS!!!!!" screeched Marik.  
  
"It ended up there," Bakura said, pointing up a few paragraphs.  
  
". SHUTTUP!"  
  
Yami suddenly returned. "Children, children, how are we supposed to share the Barney doll if we don't all get along?"  
  
"You have a Barney doll?" asked Bakura, eyes wide. "GIMMIE!"  
  
Yami wordlessly handed him the doll, and Bakura then ripped its head off, burned the body, taped the head to a stick and pranced around the fire, singing in a strange language.  
  
". Does Bakura belong to any cults you know of?" Yami asked of Marik.  
  
Marik shrugged. "Check his wallet."  
  
Yami blinked. "He's a five thousand year old tomb robber. What makes you think he has a wallet?"  
  
"Uh, this." said Marik, holding up a pink Hello Kitty wallet, which was conveniently labled 'Bakura's Wallet'.  
  
"Ah." said Yami. "Where'd you get that?"  
  
"Bakura's pocket." replied Marik, smirking.  
  
Malik suddenly returned from Suprè. "Marik, they had the military shirt, but they had no black cargos." he looked uncomfortable. "And the strobe lights gave me a seizure."  
  
"I bent my wookie.." Bakura chirped sadly.  
  
"BIRDIE!" screeched Yami, pointing up at the sky and ducking for cover.  
  
"Where the hell are we?" asked Malik.  
  
"Limbo." said Bakura eerily.  
  
Party music started up, and everyone played limbo all night.  
  
THE END.  
  
*** Vegeta: That kinda sucked.  
  
Bakura: I thought it was cool.  
  
Yamiku: (Shining a torch in Bakura's eyes) SAY IT.  
  
Bakura: NO, I'LL TAKE IT TO THE GRAVE WITH ME!  
  
Yamiku: (Earth-shattering scream) RYOU! BAKURA DON'T LOVE YOU NO MORE!  
  
Releon: (Clutching ears) Argh, my frickin' ears!  
  
Ryou: (Sticks head through door) Whaaaa?  
  
Bakura: YOU BITCH!  
  
Jagi: Oi! Don't f%$#*!' swear!  
  
Bakura: Aw, look who's talkin'!  
  
Jagi: . Jagi.  
  
Bakura: (Obviously wants to take own life)  
  
Ryou: I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME.  
  
Bakura: I- (Eyes Yamiku with her little tape recorder) ..  
  
Vegeta: HURRY UP AND F%$#*^' SAY IT, I'M MISSING THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL!  
  
All: (Pause and stare at Vegeta)  
  
Releon: That's not on until tomorrow.  
  
Vegeta: Oh. (Clears throat) I knew that.  
  
Ryou: (Heart-broken look)  
  
Bakura: (Sighs, and rolls his eyes) Alright. alright. Re help me through this.  
  
All: (Lean forward once again)  
  
Bakura: . TAXI! (Runs outside once more)  
  
All: God damnitt.  
  
Ryou: (Bursts into tears.)  
  
Releon: Ya know in the Two Towers, how Gandalf and the Balrog are falling hundreds of miles, but they end up on the top of a snowy mountain? How the hell does that work out?  
  
All: (Stare)  
  
THE END. AGAIN. 


End file.
